No Shit! There I was…

Recently my wife asked me,  how much do you love me?

As a slightly out of touch coder, i’m not too sure how to answer that.  My first thought was creating a subroutine, ” for i = 1 next i  to infinity”  or something like that.  then I thought, No Stupid! she wants you to say something simple and clever.

Well I think I said something along the lines of;  here I’ll show you…  pass me a knife will ya… as I pretended to open my shirt to expose my heart.  It got a chuckle, but it wasn’t the dashing and smooth statement I wanted to make.

Well, In google I trust, so off I went in search of cute or funny romantic one liners.  here’s what I found;

• My nostrils ache for your singular funk.
• “I love you and let’s get married and HOLY SHIT YOU’RE MOVING IN WITH ME IN TWO WEEKS I GOTTA DO LAUNDRY SHIT and GET GROCIERSIES SHIUT SHIT SHTI btw I love you”
• I love you so much that I’d shave my balls for you, except I don’t wanna, so don’t ask me.
• “You’re like bacon—you make everything better.”
• “I’ll never smother you for money.”
• Four years.
  Can you believe
  we’ve been together that long?
  It’s hard to even remember
  what things were like before you.
  All I know for sure is
  I had a lot more room for pizzas and ice cream.
  And look at you.
  You haven’t aged a day.
  And your make-up is still perfect.
  I love you, head in my freezer.
• “You are the onion ring in my order of french fries”
• “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three one thousand.”
• “You’re everything that is beautiful about the world. Thank you for every moment, my love.”
• “You are a pearl on a beach full of pebbles, and even if it were a beach full of pearls I would still know you when I found you.”
• “Your hands do the work of 10,000 highly trained lesbian jumping beans”
• “You move with the elegance of a fiery wall of disintegrating fuselage”
• I love you sooo much I’m gonna push you over!

Here are some additional valid statements  that I plan to try out to see how they work:

“Why do you love me?”

1. Your hair
2. You said “Yes”
3. You’ll do for now.
4. I could have done a lot worse.
5. You have decent personal hygeine
6. No unibrow
7. You tell me when I have “bats in the cave”
8. Because nobody else would put up with me
9. We like some of the same stuff
10. I’ve grown accustomed to your face.

ATTENTION WOMEN:  This is a friendly suggestion from a “typical” guy….   Throw us a hint!!!!!!!!   How about saying,  “Honey, do you love me enough to smile?”  See,  we can answer that one without missing a beat!!   So for God’s sake, use that one, see,  everyone’s happy there is peace in the world and we can just keep surfing the net without any problems. 

If you have any suggestions or one liners that will work, please post them below.

Thanks